How to Come Out at Work (And other personal anecdotes) Part 1: Say Goodbye to Hollywood


Hi, I'm back to the old HTML grind again!

This is going to be a little bit of a log of my current journey as a transwoman, as well as a little bit of a guide for those of you who are out everywhere else but your job. I can't guarantee that this will work for everyone. Full disclosure, I work IT which is predominantly full of nerds and generally cool people, (I've met and heard stories of male programmers who tend to be a little mysogynistic though, so keep that in mind.) So, just so we're clear, I am not responsible if you fail the speech check with your boss who fancies riding Tucker Carlson's dick.

I started HRT at the start of this month. on the 8th, so as I'm writing this it's...week 2. Nice. Come March I'll finally start filling out the paperwork for that name change. I won't submit it til much later though, since I need a doctor to sign off on saying I am a girl, then use that to tell a judge- sorry. I should more accurately say: beg, plead, and grovel before a judge to let me get the lousy tickbox on my birth cerificate changed. Though that probably won't be until after I get one of the...several surgeries I'm likely going to get. Still up in the air on that one, since I'm absolutely terrified of the cost of FFS (Facial Feminization Surgery, for those not in the loop) or bottom surgery.


But I suppose I did title this blog post, "How to Come Out at Work," so I guess I ought to be giving out some advice.

First things first...

Do you:

  • A. Live in the a red southern state? (Mostly referring hardcore red states like Texas and Florida. Purple and blue states are also still gamble, depends on getting a read on where you are ofc.)
  • B. Are in the closet everywhere else?
  • If A:

    I say keep working in the closet and move far far far away as soon as physically possible. If you live in Texas you're probably aware of the registry that they tried to pull. Horrifying shit. If there is someone you know that you can trust to tell so you have a person to talk to irl, do so. but moving is likely not possible for a lot of people. It's unrealistic and frankly I find it a little silly to tell people to, "just move lol". If you can AND manage to land a decent job someplace more receptive, great! but otherwise you're gonna have to be a freedom fighter (I will explain what I mean by this later. CTRL+F "freedom fighters" for spoilers).

    Hell, with the way it's going we're all gonna have to be freedom fighters. Can't just live our damned lives, because we're all evil, brainwashed, sex-pests who need to be put on lists...apparently. (I don't feel the need to cite a source for this. You can find all the hateful shit on MSM sources pretty damn easily. Turn on Fox News, or fucking dust off and turn on your AM/FM radio, or go on twitter, or facebook...or youtube...or...I don't know and don't care what you do. (if you're trans or care even a little) once you start seeing it, you never stop seeing it. Registries, menstrual tracking, cases where trans women don't "pass" and are lampooned for the entire nation to look at for a week and then forget about, or, just type into google the start of any question ending in transgender and just LOOK at the top results. here are my wacky duckduckgo results.

    These all have the potential to lead you down some just vile rabbitholes, that is if you go looking for the information you want to see instead of the actual reality that is as simple as: people are just sick of hiding in their closets, and want to be respected.

    If you're feeling as particularly self-destructive as I was, I tried a new strategy on day 2 of the training. I spoke with my HR department first. I started by non-chalantly asking, "Heyyy, HR Rep? I'm getting my name changed pretty soon...what's the procedure like for that?" and when they inquire, "Oh! just do x, y and z. Why are you getting it changed?" I splash 'em with the cold water! "Oh! I'm transitioning to female actually! Please, call me Sabrina." It catches them off guard and so you're guaranteed to get their genuine response and whether their opinion on you has lessened or not. In my case, the HR rep was...neutral. Which I personally prefer. Since, I want to hear "ok, cool whatever." Since it shouldn't have to be a big to-do. I'm sick of the "Will she won't she" game I have to play with people. Sizing them up to see if they are going to turn around and try to have my job security threatened at their earliest possible convenience or not.

    I'm done with the game I think. I implor people to do the same if you're also doing it. That is of course provided your place of work follows the civil rights act of '64. Read up on your company policies before you stop playing ball. (also, if they fire you for it it's grounds for a wrongful termination suit if you can afford the legal fees)

    I should explain the freedom fighters thing, as I'm definitely going to have to turn this into a small series, I think. It's what I've come to refer to allies and fellow transgender/NB people. It's a little silly and dramatic, yes. But, I feel like it's fitting considering how cartoonishly evil some of these people act towards this minority. (I am referring to obvious figurehead people like Tucker Carlson, Ron DeSantis, and former president Trump.) It's almost like they're coping since I feel like a lot of people wouldn't really care if it wasn't constantly being crammed down their throats get it. I say the best move is to avoid putting a target on your body. I am referring to wearing the flag, primarily. As acording to a study done by the UCLA School of Law, we're 4x more likely to be the victims of violent crime than cisgendered people.

    Instead, I say start dressing how you want as your adventure goes on, slowly...almost like...a transition. I wear gender affirming shoes and longer socks/tights at this point most days, for example.

    Of course, the crushing, bitter reality sets in this late into the post. That being, that people who don't want to listen, won't ever change their minds. They're so piss-their-pants afraid of being wrong that they'll deny anything and everything. Based on the shit i've heard, they'd need to see a trans person get gunned down in front of them while the shooter shouts, "I got a tranny I got one! Look look! I did it!" before they'd consider changing their minds. Even then, there's no telling how deep hate goes.

    The song playing is Context Sensitives' "Quote", from their album 20XX. Check the blog later this month for the B-side, "Part 2: I Want Wind to Blow."

    -Sabrina (