"Superman made me trans?!" and other special thanks given for me coming out as a woman.


There are lots of complications when coming out, but those are to be expected.

People like my close friends and my now ex-girlfriend are people who are better off knowing. But some people like my parents and my grandparents don't need to know at all. Maybe it's rude of me to say, but I never understood telling parents about this kind of thing.

Originally I had written something bitter about how they raise you expecting you to be a clone of themselves but of course, nobody has the same parents, so it really is probably just a "me thing" that I don't feel like there is any rush. It's kind of funny, I've been treating this like I'm Superman.

I said that since I've been reading a lot of old Superman comics recently, and have created a small secret container (an old backpack) in my room with all of my gear to doll myself up a la superman's secret closet. I find it a little embarassing to admit, but his character has served as one of the major confidence boosters I needed to finally tell my friends about myself. I find him cool, and I want to be cool. So, maybe if I can lead this meek, mild-mannered life as Squinkadink for just a while longer, I'll be able to fully embrace myself as Sabrina later. Though, I will say that as much of an impact Superman has had on me as of late, I'd like to give a little bit of credit as well to a friend of mine who I will refer to as Olsen for gifting me a copy of Fallout New Vegas.

It's a common joke that for whatever reason people who play Fallout: New Vegas come out of it either gay in some nebulous way or racist, typically one or the other. Even Olsen isn't free from this what with him being bi and all. I didn't understand this until I finished the game.

Since it wasn't more than two days after I beat the campaign and started the Honest Hearts DLC that I came out to my girlfriend. I thought for a while about why New Vegas was the final nail in my coffin, and I think I figured it out. The game has forced you (if you are into taking a narrative driven open-world game's plot seriously, that is) into making a difficult decision.

You spend the entire game meeting with all of the superpowers of this world and their leaders, hearing their ideologies and their plans for how the future of this post-war society should be governed. You have to be honest with yourself and really think about what you believe in. By the end, once you've made that big decision and if you really liked what you played you might walk away from it feeling inspired to be more honest with yourself. Like what happened to me. I've known I was probably trans since I was very little. I just needed a little bit of a push to finally start taking the steps I needed to take.

I wish I could articulate in words how I really feel in a way beyond referring to properties owned by billion dollar corporations as influences on how I see myself as a person. Maybe that makes me a poor writer, maybe it doesn't. Best I can do is try, right?

By the way, congrats on finding a secret page. That is, if you weren't linked this.

The song playing is Context Sensitives' "Quote", from their album 20XX. This art of myself was done by the fantastic @mellowcore on twitter.